Personality styles are the means by which we manage and
conduct our lives and relate to others. They are, ultimately, a defense
against fear, both a general stance in life and a strategy for coping with
challenges that threaten the status quo. Personality styles tend to be
highly emotionally reactive processes.
Personality styles begin with temperaments that are
like thermostats of the psyche. Some of us run cold and can never be
accused of overreacting. Others run hot and are acutely sensitive to the
world, always overreacting. Most of us lie somewhere between the extremes.
Neither do we generally adopt a single personality
style. We'll notice that each style unto itself would reflect a serious
lack of balance in any given life. Rather, we feature a prominent
personality style, but this is tempered, to varying degrees, by others
that are compatible with it. We have little trouble recognizing each of
these personality styles when we read about them. Still, some styles are
incompatible with others, and are seldom if ever seen in the same psyche.
Individuals with conflicting personality styles tend not to get along well
together. The personality styles cover as much territory as possible in
defending us from the threats and dangers in life we have encountered and
believe we face.
We adopt styles of thought and behavior from our social
environment as children. We learn to see the world through the eyes of our
parents or caregivers for a time, although it is as likely that we will
shun our parents as role models if they are the cause of stress and if we
see their behavior as counterproductive. We will adopt other role-models
as we encounter them and they resonate with our needs.
As for the nature and a description of these styles,
the book The New Personality Self-Portrait, Why you Think, Work, Love,
and Act the Way You Do, by John M. Oldham, and Lois B. Morris, is an
example of an excellent classic source on the subject.
Quoting from Amazon.com, “The New Personality
Self-Portrait is the only guide to personality types based on the American
Psychiatric Association's just-published official diagnostic system -- the
DSM -IV -- and written by one of today's leading personality researchers.
A long-time backlist bestseller in its previous edition, it has now been
completely updated to include all the fascinating new information about
how we become who we are-and how we can change..."
Fiction writers are successful to the degree they
accurately depict the inner workings and behavior of the full spectrum of
personality styles. Likewise, we can far more convincingly portray other
lives in our character diary by understanding the basic ways people think
and interact with each other.
In a nutshell, quoting freely from an earlier version
of The New Personality Self-Portrait, we have The Adventurer.
Indiana Jones, right? Sky-divers and test pilots out to push themselves to
the limit. Think ‘alphas’, independent-minded men and women imbued with a
strong sense of self-esteem, who fend for themselves, and who have
succeeded to the degree that other human beings serve as little more than
ballast to their lives. They make their own rules in life. They may have
associates, but it's not likely they will have close friends.
Taken to an extreme, The Adventurer suffers an
Antisocial Personality Disorder and becomes a psychopath unheeding
of the feelings and needs of others. Those suffering an antisocial
personality disorder have no way to form close relationships. They may
father or mother children, but they have no regard for them and are not
likely to support a family. People with this disorder are more likely than
others to engage in violence and die in the process.
The Aggressive Personality Style has an acute
awareness of social authoritative hierarchies and functions best in a
structure of social roles with rules of behavior clearly spelled out. They
abide by the dictates of authority to the disregard of self. They work for
the goals of the social organization and they exert whatever effort it
takes to succeed. Whether they follow them or originate them, they are a
slave to the social structure of rules and laws. They treat others like
they treat themselves, as cogs in a well-oiled machine, without hostility,
but without a deep sense of humanity. If they are in a position of
authority, they expect others to abide by it. They are driven by strong
feelings, but are oblivious to the feelings of others.
Most individuals with The Aggressive Personality
Style work creatively to achieve their goals, but when pushed to the
wall, we are faced with the Sadistic Personality Disorder, an
individual who is cruel and cold-hearted and who will take satisfaction in
hurting or humiliating inferior others. Crossed, they will seek revenge.
Paired with mates with submissive personality styles, children, or those
who feel unworthy, they are dangerous tyrants.
The Self-Confident Personality Style has high
self-esteem and have been taught by parents or circumstance to like and
trust themselves. They seek goals to achieve and form a rapport with
associates. They appeal to others and fall naturally into the lead.
Self-confident individuals believe in themselves and expect others to
believe in them. They hold their ambitions to clear view and expend the
effort to gather others to follow suit. They are good salesmen and a good
judge of the worth of others. Perhaps they think a bit too highly of
themselves. They may cringe at the criticism of others, but would never
stoop to that level to defend themselves.
Again, pushed too hard and the Self-Confident
Personality Style becomes the Narcissistic Personality Disorder,
a focus on oneself as the center of the world and all that is of any
importance. Such individuals struggle tooth and nail to maintain this
illusion at the expense of any enjoyment of life. They are angered and
humiliated by criticism, but have no regard for its veracity.
Narcissistics often self-destruct.
The Conscientious Personality Style is the
backbone of society. Like the Self-confident, they are goal-directed. They
have strong morals and are self-confident. They do what needs to be done.
They are the workhorses of the world maintaining the infrastructure of our
lives and are perfectionists in this task. Conscientious people are as
hard on others as they are on themselves when it comes time to measure
themselves against their standards. The Conscientious is a high-stress
personality prone to Type-A health risks.
Taken too far and we have the Obsessive-Compulsive
Personality Disorder. Obsessive-compulsive individuals are rigid. They
are perfectionists who attend to endless detail. They expect others to
follow suit, work with vigor, but more out of necessity than desire. They
derive no satisfaction from their affliction.
The Devoted Personality Style cares, and caring
makes life worth living. Their needs are the needs of others, husbands,
wives, family, and the authorities in their lives. Their happiness is in
helping others to attain their goals, having none of their own. The
Devoted style is committed and dedicated to relationships. They prefer
company and teamwork, and they follow rather than lead. They take the
advice of others rather than think for themselves, and will try hard to
change if criticized. Devoted people have a weak sense of self. They
perceive themselves as complementary to others, unable and unwilling by
nature to stand and function alone.
Taken too far and we have the Dependent Personality
Disorder, people who view themselves as powerless, directionless
individuals living meaningless lives, unable and unworthy to survive
except at the whim of others. Dependents cannot make everyday decisions
and will agree to something even when they believe it wrong out of fear of
rejection. Dependents don't initiative an activity unless it is intended
to garner the approval of others and they do so to avoid isolation.
Referred to at times as 'codependent', they are often victimized by those
who will enslave and abuse them to satisfy their complementary
psychopathology.
And then the curtain opens on the Dramatic
Personality Style. One of the challenges of fiction is to avoid
rendering each and every character a Dramatic. The Dramatic style is most
flamboyant of the various schools of thought on how to engage life. The
Dramatic lives in an emotional world and they are oriented to the rule of
the senses. They reach out and touch and their emotions flow like the
colors of a chameleon. Their inner experience is vivid, as is their
imagination. They imbue all aspects of their experience with romance and
melodrama. They are spontaneous, not given to contemplation before acting,
and they like to show off. Attention is sustenance for the Dramatics, and
they go out of their way to get it in their dress and grooming. On the
downside, they are impatient and flighty, and will make something happen
if nothing exciting is. They are inconsistent and difficult over the long
haul.
And if we take the Dramatic Personality Style
too far? Histrionic Personality Disorder. People with this
disorder live in an emotional madhouse. They go to bizarre lengths to
attract the attention and garner approval of others. They understand
little of the world around them. Only people matter.
Those utilizing the Idiosyncratic Personality Style
walk to the beat of that proverbial different drummer. They are dreamers,
live internal lives and are unique in their thinking and behavior. They
are self-contained. Idiosyncratics are oblivious to convention and create
unusual lifestyles. They live in an expanded reality, drawn to abstract
and speculative thinking. Although they are inner-directed and follow
their own hearts and minds, they are aware of the feelings and thoughts of
others, and fear isolation. Idiosyncratic individuals often strike people
as being a bit crazy because of their nonconformist attitude. They are not
joiners, never in charge, nor strongly affiliated with social groups.
As a disorder, the Idiosyncratic Personality Style
becomes the Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Those who suffer the
Schizotypal Disorder lose their ability to connect with other human beings
entirely, and in the process, they lose the boundaries of their self as
well. Schizotypals suffer social anxiety and engage in magical thinking.
They talk to unseen others, don't take care of their personal appearance,
and behave in indecipherable ways.
The Leisurely Personality Style is one in which
the individual plays by the rules and does their job, but once their
obligations are fulfilled, their time is their own. They enjoy life, they
pursue pleasure, but any attempt to interfere with the process is like
squeezing a handful of water. Get in their way, and we become a threat.
People of a strong Leisurely persuasion don't go out of
their way to please others. They come first in their world, although they
need to be liked, and they do value relationships. Primary stresses in
life come from those who push for faster or better performance. Resistance
takes passive form. The task master is confronted by a large marshmallow,
unresisting, but difficult to move.
Somewhere along the Leisurely personality style, like
all the others, there's an invisible line that gets crossed. For the
Leisurely individual, that becomes the Passive-Aggressive Personality
Disorder, and the marshmallow that was difficult to move suddenly
acquires a lead weight in its core. Passive-Aggressives don't try for much
of anything at all, and if they suffer for it, they complain about it.
They put things off and they're sullen and bitter when confronted by the
need to perform to some minimal degree. They goldbrick excessively and
feel they are performing adequately well by their own standards.
Passive-Aggressive people never suffer any guilt and never feel any
responsibility for their plight. They equate obedience with slavery, and
they will not humiliate themselves by submitting.
The Mercurial Personality Style resembles the
Dramatic. Both are sky-divers in life, and they jump without checking
their chutes. The Mercurial style takes drama to the extreme. Any
emotional attachment must be maxed out, obsessive in intensity and focus.
Nothing is taken lightly. 'Casual' is not in the dictionary of the
Mercurial. They have no inhibitions and accept all risk as part of the fun
and challenge. They brim with energy, are social, accepting, curious, and
haven't got a defense in place anywhere in their psyche. For strong
Mercurial types, impulsiveness reaches the level of reckless
self-indulgence. Impatience gets the best of them, and they may forget
their chute altogether from time to time.
One step over the line is the Borderline Personality
Disorder, a rage of conflicting emotions, desperate and intense,
without foundation. They are unable to relate to others, fearful of being
alone, paralyzed by indecision about whom or what they are. Fear and anger
are at war and have dissociated from their cause, flaring as primal forces
too powerful to pin down to the initial incidents that gave them birth.
The Self-Sacrificing Personality Style explains
itself to a large degree. It's easy to see what's being expressed, a bit
harder to understand why. The Self-Sacrificer is an altruist, generous to
a fault. They do not compete and have no ambition of their own. They don't
judge, and they're very tolerant of others. They have no pride of their
own and they don't like being fussed over. Neither do they appreciate
being put center stage for the gifts they offer. They suffer in silence
and don't complain. They tend to be naive and innocent, never bothering
with emotional nuances. When they have an impact on others, they don't
notice, and they trust others, again to a fault.
The Self-Defeating Personality Disorder lets too
much of life slip by in the service of others, too many opportunities for
advancement and happiness, until little remains but the weariness and
monotony of servitude. They suffer to alleviate guilt and will let nobody
help shoulder their self-imposed burden. If anything nice happens to them,
they feel guilty about it and suffer depression. Their behavior can all
too easily solicit anger from others, and they react by feeling
humiliated. Self-defeaters reject those who treat them well and will
initiate sacrifices nobody else knows about.
Those with a Sensitive Personality Style want
the world whittled down to a comfortable sphere. Within that sphere, they
thrive. Beyond it, they flounder. They are comfortable with habit and
routine, but disquieted by over-stimulation. They stick close to home, and
limit the number of friends and associates to a number that can be safely
handled. Sensitive people are vulnerable and care deeply about what others
think about them, and they tread cautiously when the opportunity for
criticism arises. They are polite, but reserved, careful to never show too
much of themselves.
There is an alternative way of coping in this
personality style. Here we see the appearance of the Contraphobic,
those who handle fear of the unknown by jumping right in to tackle the
beast, to make it familiar and more easily tolerated.
If too much of the world is rejected, the condition is
labeled as the Avoidant Personality Disorder. Those suffering the
Avoidant disorder are easily wounded by criticism or disapproval. They
have no close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives, and
are unwilling to get involved for fear of being disliked. Avoidant men and
women isolate themselves rather than risk rejection. They live socially
impoverished lives. Even when faced with acceptance, they fear it so
greatly they will unconsciously sabotage themselves.
At first glance, The Solitary Personality Style
is similar to the Sensitives' avoidant disorder, but with one profound
difference. The Solitary style doesn’t involve avoiding anything. It
involves no emotional discomfort. It is characterized, in fact, by a lack
of emotional affect. Solitary men and women function well alone without
feeling lonely. They may lack what others value highly, but they do not
suffer for the lack. They see the world in terms of reason and are free of
the distraction of emotion. Their behavior is practical. They like sex,
but can live without it. They are unswayed by emotional demands others may
attempt to place upon them.
At the far end of the spectrum lies what someone deemed
to title the Schizoid Personality Disorder, hard-core evidence that
it takes more than Spock's ability to employ logic to compensate for a
truly emotionless existence. Schizoid individuals avoid human contact
altogether. They will work effectively if aided, but they will live in a
single barely furnished room, given the choice, or out on the street.
The Vigilant Personality Style is the source of
the old adage that just because we might be paranoid doesn't meant someone
is not out to get us. People are a danger to one another often enough to
justify putting out feelers for suspicious behavior. The Vigilant style
can pick up something wrong in their social environment in a heartbeat.
They are sensitive to mixed messages, hidden motivations, and the evasions
and distortions that some will use to cloak the truth with a
lie. Vigilant individuals play a useful role as watchdogs in society.
Vigilant style individuals are independent and self-sufficient. They think
for themselves and are cautious in their dealings with others. They listen
to others, and they'll pick up what was meant as opposed to what was
said. They are often well able to defend themselves physically and are
not intimidated by criticism. They are loyal to friends and expect friends
to respond in like kind, although when their suspicions begin to
intensify, they can begin to misinterpret perceptions and overreact to
details of speech and behavior that has no real or intended meaning.
Control is at the heart of the Vigilant Personality
Style. The loss of control is the source of extreme stress, and if the
personality style intensifies to compensate, the Paranoid Personality
Disorder is born. The Paranoid believes that people are evil at heart
and naturally inclined to attack and victimize anyone who does not have
adequate defenses in place. Ultimately, they can trust no one, and they
see personalized threats and danger in everything going on about them. No
insult is forgiven, no defense let down for a moment. The Paranoid will
confide in no one for fear anything said will be used against them. The
Paranoid protects a deep vulnerability. They are defenseless if their
defenses are overpowered, but they do not see that their defenses are just
as devastating.
Ignorance of personality styles and disorders does not
make for good fictional characters. Neither does it provide understanding
of the real-life behavior of other human beings. One of the early skills
of fiction is to avoid all characters flourishing a Dramatic style, or
reflecting the author’s superior self-image and behaving too ‘cool’ and
authoritarian. Realistic characters are more fun to play with. Knowing the
dynamics of each style and how they interact provides for that larger
palette of personality style with which to work.
